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 Two years on,……….

 

I still need to feel His presence in my life, still need to sit at His feet, and to feel His dominance around me.

i no longer fear the deep need within me, i embrace it, and let it flow through me, but there are times when i struggle against it, even though i need it. I guess the difference is that i understand why i struggle against it, and understand that even though there are sometimes small rebellious thoughts, in reality i would not change it, should the choice ever be there.

 

i still don’t really understand the need, but i have accepted that it is normal for me, and for me to feel complete i must be with Master and must give control to Him.

I am so free – i feel free within myself, even though there are constraints placed upon my life.

 

 i have learned so much, and i now realise how little i knew. He has taught me to serve Him, to meet His needs, and those elements in my life fill my own needs. I revel in the control He brings to my life, and i feel so proud, yet know that i will never stop learning.

 

my life is happy and fulfilled. It is different though, there is a different focus

I still pay bills (at Master’s direction and with His money) i still occasionally buy the groceries, with the list Master asks me to write, i still clean the house – some things never change!

The support for my son, and my relationship with him is unwavering, and that has been one of the biggest things for me to accept and embrace. It is a wonderful feeling.

 

I still believe the control and domination is what i need, but it is not exactly as i saw it two years ago. In reality it is much harder to actually live by those needs. Part of me rebels, part of me sometimes wants to yell “but what about me!”

I do know and understand that it isn’t about me

I do know and understand that it is a dictatorship, and i live in Master’s world – with His rules.

I do know and understand that belonging to a sometimes pedantic tyrannical Master is a life that is full of speedbumps, but that the benefits far outweigh any negatives.

I’ve learned to let things slide, to accept lots of things, to not take it personally, all hard lessons but valuable and necessary to any submissive or slave.

I do know my place in life, and i understand where and what it is, but there are certain times when it is easy to forget, and i need reminding.

This relationship is 24/7, so the undercurrent is always D/s but there are times when it seems vanilla, and during those times i still need to learn that i must always remember my place.

I might think that i know what to do, and most times i do, but it is Master’s job to tell me, more than once if He so wishes. It is my place to accept it – gracefully and without argument.

 

The last two years has taught me a lot. When i wrote my original article about control i understood the meaning of the word, and understood that i needed it in my life.

i now understand what it means to live by it. I understand the meaning of control.

 

 

© Kim Debron 2006