This article is written by me – Kim Debron – it is owned by me. If you copy it, please give the credit to me, otherwise you are committing an act of plagiarism – you are stealing my work.
Is Play Important in a 24/7?
There has been discussion about whether or not living in a 24/7 relationship means that play is not as important as a casual or part time D/s connection.
From my own experience, i believe that regular play is, if anything, more important when the relationship is 24/7.
It is a completely different dynamic to a part time relationship or casual encounter, where the main focus of the getting together is for play.
The anticipation is most likely the same feeling, i do remember when i was just starting in this relationship, and i would visit Master on the weekends, i always knew that we would play in some way…. And it was all i could think about on my way to His house.
Master and i are together for almost all of the time – we work from home, therefore it is even more intense than other 24/7’s where one or both parties may have outside jobs.
Some may say then, that every interaction we have is D/s and that would be correct, but it is often very easy going and sometimes more like a vanilla relationship than anything else.
I am, however, very mindful of the fact that it can, and does, change from one level to another very quickly and sometimes without warning.
So in this case, what about play, how important is it in terms of the relationship, and how do we separate it from our everyday lives and interactions?
In the 2 and a half years that i have been with Master, our play, until recently, was never really regular.. we were more spontaneous, which in many ways was great as i never knew when it might happen.
But life has changed for us – our business has taken off and there are more demands on His time and mine.
We also run a BDSM social event once a month – these factors, plus some health issues have meant a change in the way we do things.
We have recently started to “make a date for play” which has been the solution to meeting our needs without interfering with other things and other people in our lives. It gets marked on the calendar, along with everything else, and that way, it does happen on time.
Before we started this, our play time had become very erratic and on occasions a non-event, which was hard to deal with – not only for me but also for Master. I would ask, and He would say yes if we had time, but it was hard to make the time.
It used to make me feel really down and depressed, and sometimes i felt like everything and everyone else was more important. And when we went weeks between sessions i would suffer from a type of withdrawal, i would be tearful and shaky for seemingly no reason, and when He touched me, the sensations were almost too much to cope with, my body reacted so strongly and the needs bubbled to the surface.
So the idea of marking the calendar became an absolute necessity, for our sanity.
I believe the play is extremely important in our lives, it reinforces the Master/submissive dynamic, and fills our needs for the physical acts of Domination and submission.
The trick is to separate that interaction from our daily lives, and to make it something special……..
The preparation begins the moment Master is up……. We both know it is on the calendar for that day…. He will pick a time and that time gets burnt into my mind.
I go through the various routines for the morning, and then do whatever else is required of me. If there is no particular task i have for Master then i may write or answer emails or research, or just have some time to myself.
During the course of the day, Master will remind me of the upcoming session, sometimes just a quiet word in my ear about what He will be doing to me, or sometimes He may grab a handful of my hair, and hold me still while His hands roam over my body, pointing out that this is His, and He will have His way with me later.
He will also remind me about the time, how long left to wait, and as it draws closer, He will call me to Him to kneel at His feet.
When i am there, still and attentive, He will give me instructions on how to prepare for the session.
This could be anything from which collar and cuffs to wear, to whether i am to have any clothes on or not…… and it always includes the instruction to “cleanse my body completely”.
These mini interactions we have during the day are all reminders to me of the impending session. This all helps to put me into the headspace – where i want and need to be.
I love the anticipation, it leaves me tingling and wanting, and always impatient for the appointed time to come around.
I often do not eat much, as i am too wound up, and my personal preference is to play and then eat.
Master never asks too much of me on our play days, as He knows my mind is only on the session and the build up.
i am constantly watching the clock in order to give myself plenty of time to get ready, and when i am ready, i will go to Him and kneel and wait.
By this time, i am totally focussed on Master and what is about to happen. Nothing else matters.
For Master, the interactions during the day also help to put Him into the right mood and head space. He often instills a higher protocol than normal on that day, so i am more mindful of my place in His life, and i think that also serves as a reminder to Him as well.
He will be thinking about how the session will go, what toys He will use and what activities He wants to bring into play.
He will also have been into our dungeon and set up whatever equipment He may need and if anything needs cleaning i will have been sent to do that earlier in the day.
Our dungeon is also sometimes our workroom, so the floor usually needs vacuuming and it is very important to make it feel like the dungeon, not the work room.
The atmosphere is vital for a successful play session.
We can and do, sometimes have a mini play in the bedroom, but the mindset is different, and it is never as intense as in the dungeon.
And when the clock finally reaches the appointed time, and i am at His feet on my knees, He will lead me to the dungeon and direct me to stand in one spot while He does the last minute things.
Sometimes He will lead me on a chain attached to my collar, sometimes just by the hair, or sometimes just a command to “follow Me girly”
That moment, is like a moment of truth for me, it is the culmination of why i exist on that day. I stand there, focussing on His presence and on where i am and what i may or may not have on….. if i have worn clothes i will be ordered to strip….. those words make me shiver in anticipation…….
And then, the session begins…………
The aftercare is also very important – Master will always have me at His feet, and will not allow me to go off and do something else…. This is a comfort to me as i know from past experience that no matter how good i feel, i am usually incapable of coherent thoughts for a while after a session.
He may allow me to make Him a drink and serve it, which will usually push me back into subspace…. That lovely floaty place where i would like to stay forever!!!!
Eventually, i will come down to earth, and we will discuss the play and how it went, what i felt etc… and my journal for that day will have a report on the session as well – likes and dislikes and other comments i may care to make.
In conclusion then, i have tried to explain how important play is, even in a full on 24/7 relationship, it is an integral part of the success of the dynamic between Master and i. Without it, our relationship would not have the depth and fulfilment that we both feel.
© Kim Debron 2007